Baseball Hath Returned...

And with that being said, no better way to bring in the new season with hysterical rants about how crappy an evening at the old Ted was.

1. Parking lot which was previously $5.00 to park doubled to $10.00. When inquired, I was responded with "inflation's a bitch." Might as well pay the additional two bucks, and park at the sanctioned park parking.

2. Weather somehow went from mild high sixties the evening prior to foggy, damp low fifties for tonight. Made for quite possibly one of the colder, uncomfortable games I've been to; I could mention the previous year's home opener, but at least I was prepared for that one, with a blanket and heavy coat.

3. Corky "The Cable Guy" Miller in the lineup. Why he gets the nod over Brayan Pena is beyond me, both are nowhere near as Brian McCann are, but at least Pena switch-hits, and hits with authority (granted, usually a groundball) with either side.

4. "And the starting pitcher... Number 32, Mike Hampton!" And then we see Jeff Bennett running out of the bullpen. Now, since I was at the game, and not in front of a television set, I had no earthly idea to why this was occurring, but naturally, my first instinct was "Oh great, Hampton's hurt himself for this season while warming up." I ended up hearing about something in regards to him not responding well to the frigid weather or something or other, but the bottom line is that because of his inability to play, the Turner Field faithful was treated to a wonderful evening of bullpen roulette. Just what the Braves need, with the Mets coming into town, to have a tired, not-yet-seasoned bullpen.

With most baseball fans, I have laughed at the unfortunate irony and suffering of Mike Hampton throughout the last two years, but truth be told, I've always been a supporter of him, and looked forward to the day that he would suit up and pitch for the Braves yet again. Ironically, I was present at the park during his last game, where he was toasted by Chan Ho Park and the Padres in 2005. And with each of the last two years, seeing Mike Hampton listed in Spring Training, only for something to occur, which would eliminate him from the roster, I would always be disappointed.

But this, this most certainly has to take the cake. I will have to agree with all the others this time around, and just not even consider Mike Hampton's existence. He's not the X-factor of the Braves success hopes, nor is he someone who can be relied upon later in the season to come out of nowhere and get some wins. He embodies false hopes and promises that fall through. I am tired of the Mike Hampton injury streak, and I'd rather he not play at this point. I don't want him to even come back later in the season and suddenly deliver 7-8 key wins, but the Braves still fall short of the postseason - why, because I don't want him to have the opportunity to essentially audition for his next team, where he would probably be magically healthy and return to at least a 14-15 game winner for some other team than the Braves. Call me spiteful, but it's kinda how I feel.

5. Bullpen woes, part deux. At least when the Braves went into the season with Chris Reitsma listed as closer with guys like Macay McBride, Chad Paronto, Mike Remlinger, and Ken Ray as the primary bridge builders, we KNEW we were going to suck. Perhaps it's because I actually read about spring training, and participate at Talking Chop, I feel more hope and sense more potential from this year's bullpen that has done nothing but make me feel like I'm going to develop an ulcer at 25.

Granted, it's only the fourth game of the season, and I'm fully aware of the whole "It's a long season" mentality, but the mood of the evening is frustration, and I am voicing it now. Peter Moylan is a prime example of how someone started off so horrendously, but as the year went on, he became more reliable. This year, Peter Moylan is responsible for giving up a walk-off homerun to Nationals Star-Risen Ryan Zimmerman at their home opener, and has allowed runs to score on him in his other outing. Blaine Boyer is on the cusp of becoming this year's Macay McBride, and Jeff Bennett, Manny Acosta, and Chris Resop have shown nothing but mediocrity if not worse. I groaned when I learned that the Braves had acquired Will Ohman, and I still feel bowel movements when seeing him come out of the bullpen.

6. Bobby Cox's managerial skills. In the 10th inning, Bobby Cox brought in RHP Chris Resop; fair enough, he's scraping the bottom of the bullpen here. He walked a guy, and let another get on base while WP'ing the first guy to third. And then Cox does something strange, he relieves Matt Diaz, moves the pitcher Resop to left field, and brings in LOOGY Royce Ring, to deal with Adam LaRoche.

It was like watching a perfectly executed plan occur, the way LaRoche's eyes lit up at the levity of the situation. It was almost incredulously insulting the way Bobby Cox knew of LaRoche's inability to possibly slap the ball opposite field to the guy in left field. And probably as instructed, Ring got LaRoche to strike out awkwardly at some really bad outside pitches, probably so he could try; nobody could resist taking a shot at an inexperienced fielder.

Unfortunately, Cox might've been better leaving Ring in to deal with the Braves killer of the moment, Xavier Nady.

Which brings us to #7. Losing the series to the Pittsburgh Pirates. There are certain teams that I can accept defeat from. Division Rivals, bullies from the American League. But the f-ing Pirates?

No.

That just makes me mad.

158 games left to go.

Welcome back to the baseball season, home of volatile mood swings, paranoia, hostility, disgust, jubilation, and anything else that could be otherwise considered crazy. Ain't it great?

End of the Season, for real

Thankfully, the slew of 12:15 a.m. ending games is over, as the Boston Red Sox completed the sweep of the Cinderella Colorado Rockies. At the same time, I'm glad that baseball games that end too late, and while it's chilly outside are over, it is, as always, sad to know that another baseball season has officially, really, come to an end. Strategically, MLB does everything it can to prolong the interest in the sport during the off-season, with its painfully slow gradual release of all the award winners, the Scott Boras adventures, as he shifts superstars to various teams all while making ludicrous amounts of money for them as well as himself, and then the inevitable checking in by pitchers and catchers, then the position players into their respective Florida or Arizona spring training facilities. For the time being, I'm going to sit back and relax a little bit, and try and focus on other sports.

Speaking of which, the Redskins got annihilated by the New England Patriots, and the greatest football player ever in the history of football, Tom Brady. So despite the fact that Brady threw for his 28th, 29th, and 30th touchdown passes, the fact that they beat the Redskins cements that the, and you heard it here first, New England Patriots will NOT make the Super Bowl. With the constant running of the score, and the blatant attempts for Brady and Moss to pad stats, someone's going to get pissed, and someone's going to get injured. Probably when the Patriots play the Baltimore Ravens. The ultimate test, is to simply put Bill Belichick on the cover of Madden 2008.

So despite my stat-tracking, and predictions of predictability and probability, the one guy who wins the MVP and two crappy gay hybrid cars, is the one guy whom I forgot to, and then failed to mention because I was too lazy to go back and change it, Mike Lowell. Really now, I would've mentioned his respectable average and run-production, and I even already had his picture uploaded to my folder of player pictures - but at the point in which I realized that I didn't add him, the game was already underway, and I was too lazy to go back and add him, as well as look up his World Series stats.

But Lowell deserved the award, as he came up big last night, and capped it all off with a home run. Drew and Manny fizzled out, and despite my jockeying for Ellsbury, his production just wasn't dramatic enough, and I thought for certain that the award was going to go to Papelbon after he earned his third World Series save, and this one after 1.2 innings of work in consecutive nights, but it was no surprise to me when Lowell showed up on the podium. He hit well in every game, and drove in runs, and did his job exceptionally, as a #5 hitter.

I'm glad the World Series is over, but I'm sad the baseball season is really finished now.

Despite this blog being heavily in favor of baseball, I will make my damnedest attempt to keep blogging about sports in general throughout the off-season. I still have a couple of baseball-related topics I'd like to cover, but hopefully, I will make some concious attempts to write about other things, like the fruitless flight of the Atlanta Hawks, or be another whiny argument about how I could improve the BCS and college football. Either way, it's going to be a long off-season.

New England Saturation

You heard this here first - if the Washington Redskins beat the New England Patriots, I'm putting all my money on the Patriots to make the Super Bowl.

Cases in point - In 1996, the Washington Redskins beat the New England Patriots, 27-22. The Redskins squandered a 7-1 record, and missed the playoffs while the Patriots stomped on glass slipper of the Natrone Means and the Cinderella Jacksonville Jaguars, and went to the Super Bowl, where they got beat by the Green Bay Packers.

In 2003, the Patriots lost to the Redskins in week 4, 20-17. They then proceeded to win like the next one hundred games, including a Super Bowl victory, and rode their win streak to another Super Bowl victory in 2004.

Like I said, you heard it here first. Redskins win, Patriots succeed later on.

Well, it's been confirmed - the MVP of the World Series is getting a Malibu. And not just any Malibu, but a Hybrid Malibu. They took a gay car, and applied the gayness of hybrids to it, thus making it even gayer. And because the trade off of going from a Corvette the previous year to a fucking Malibu, GM decided to give away a second car to the MVP, which is Hybrid Yukon, or whatever other giant American Fuck-You-Mobile SUVs is on their lineup. Because of the sheer fact that pretty much everyone on the Red Sox roster is pretty much already rollin', the cars should go to Jacoby Ellsbury, who looks like he doesn't even have his learner's permit yet. I'm sure he has yet to get his set of exotics, seeing as how he's still making rookie money, but with the way he played last night, an inevitable payday is on the horizon. Besides, the kid just won everyone a free taco, which makes him an MVP in my book.

So let's look at those still in the running for the two pieces of shit cars:


STILL the Front Runner

J.D. Drew, Right Field
5/11, .455 avg., 2 RBI, 2 2B






Likely Candidate based on Popularity

David Ortiz, Designated Hitter / First Base
4/12, .333 avg., 3 RBI, 3 2B






Still putting up Good Stats, but no Chance in Hell

Julio Lugo, Shortstop
4/10, .400 avg., 1 RBI, 1 2B






The Rightful Winner

Jacoby Ellsbury, Outfield
5/12, .417 avg., 3 RBI, 3 2B, 1 SB that won America a free taco






Snuck into the Running

Dustin Pedroia, Second Base
5/14, .357 avg., 4 RBI, 1 HR, 1 2B






Very Likely because he is the Ace Pitcher

Josh Beckett, Starting Pitcher
7.0 IP, 1.29 ERA, 9 Ks






The Closer is always a Candidate

Jonathan Papelbon, Closer
2.2 IP, 0.00 ERA, 2 Ks, 2 Saves





Like I said - none of these guys need two more cars, let alone crappy ones. One more to go, and then we can bid this baseball season adieu

Free Cars that Nobody will Want

In recent history, Most Valuable Players in sports championship games/series have been awarded with automobiles, along with a commemorative trophy. No better way to appeal these cars to the common man, by giving them to men who could really care less about having another car in their garage to go with their Ferraris, Mercedes, BMWs, and whatever exotic cars professional athletes with multi-million dollar salaries purchase.

Cases in point - Hines Ward, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Deion Branch all have Cadillacs to go along with their respective Super Bowl MVP award honors. And pictured above is last year's World Series MVP, St. Louis Cardinals shortstop, David Eckstein, and his brand-spanking new Chevrolet Corvette. Afterwards, Eckstein admitted to not knowing how to drive a stick-shift, and that he gave it to his brother. He probably also couldn't reach the pedals either, but let's not go there.

But the thing is, David Eckstein played his ass off, and rightfully earned Most Valuable Player honors. And for that distinction, he was given a 2007 Z06 Corvette. A car that is, for the lack of a better term, fast as shit. All the Caddys the Super Bowl MVPs win are either also fast as shit, or at least relatively pimpin'.

With the way the World Series are going now, and the trends of marketing occurring in between innings, it is safe to say that there stands a good chance that the inevitable MVP of the 2007 World Series is going to win a 2008 Chevrolet Malibu.

A MALIBU. A Chevy FUCKING Malibu.

If I were a potential MVP candidate, and the series were already locked up, I would do something totally stupid like drop a pop fly, or lay down a sac bunt with two outs to totally blow my chances to win this car, just so I could avoid further IRS tax scrutiny. A Caddy, I'd love, a Corvette, would I never deny. But a Malibu? Just what is MLB trying to say?

So let's take a look at the possible Malibu winners here...

The Front Runner J.D. Drew, RF 4/7, .571 AVG, 2 RBI, 2B	But Likely Winner Manny Ramirez, LF 4/8, .500 AVG, 2 RBI, 2B
Candidate based on popularity David Ortiz, DH 3/8, .375 AVG, 2 RBI, 2B (2)	Unlikely, but good stats Julio Lugo, SS 3/7, .428 AVG, RBI
Very Likely because pitchers are eligible for this MVP Josh Beckett, SP 7.0 IP, 1.29 ERA, 9 Ks	The Relief Pitcher who gets some huge clutch outs Hideki Okajima, RP 2.1 IP, 0.00 ERA, 4 Ks, 1 Hold
The Closer always is considered Jonathan Papelbon, RP-CL 1.1 IP, 0.00 ERA, 2 Ks, 1 Save

Out of all these guys, I couldn't see Manny Ramirez in a Malibu. David Ortiz couldn't fit into a Malibu, and Lugo would just lower it, put some mis-matched rims, body panels, and a huge exhaust on it. Drew and Beckett, being the good-ol' boys they really are, would probably give it to a cousin or something. Papelbon is just a plain weirdo, and could take it, but that pretty much leaves Okajima. He'd probably enjoy it, because it would cap off a relatively glowing rookie season, and since he's going to get shafted out of the Rookie of the Year honors by a teammate, it'd be nice for him to have something. That, and Japanese people are enamored by American shit - no doubt a Malibu would be the equivalent of drinking his first Budweiser.

But let's be realistic here - if America got to choose the MVP for the World Series, we all know who it's going to:

Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez Jacoby Ellsbury.

For winning all of us fat out-of-shape sweat-hog motherfuckers a free Taco Bell taco.

Indians Wi--I mean, lose...

Well, it was a good run for the Fighting Injuns, who despite it all, decided to outsource their talent into obliteration as what was up until tonight such a perfect game plan went awry. But deep down inside, I wasn't sure who I was rooting for, because there was a small, majority part of me that wanted to be a fair-weathered fan and have an excuse to wear my Boston Red Sox paraphenilia, despite my not-quite as glowing feelings for them since actually having gone to Boston, and having real Red Sox fans in my own backyard - just that mentality that it's good to be on the winning side, for a change... that is, until the Red Sox get p0wned by the Colorado Rockies, and their pretty much flawless attack from every aspect of the game. But anyway, since the ride is now over, here it is...



Eventually, when I get back from Las Vegas, I will go on and post the "What should've been" images for the remaining for victories that the Cleveland Indians will not have.

It's been a good run, and I'm kind of sad to see it end. If the Rockies win, I will be content that such a Cinderella story came to fruition, but at this point, I kind of really don't care.

Atlanta's future WNBA team

As much as I hate to interrupt the march of the Indians, but this cannot wait.

Apparently, the City of Atlanta is in line to receive a WNBA team, since you all know, the WNBA still exists and occurs each summer, apparently. But anyway, someone on the Atlanta-area Craig's List put up an open question to the people:

What should Atlanta's WNBA team be named?

See for yourself. Who knows how long that link will remain valid, seeing as it's on Craig's List...

Indians Win! SIX down, five to go

All morning long, the media said "Red Sox lose." No mention of "Cleveland wins," or "Colorado Rockies advance to first World Series ever." Often, I say that I dislike sports media, despite the fact that I would give a kidney to be able to get paid to write about sports all day long. But websites like si.com, which I might add is housed in Atlanta, Georgia, all seem to have this fascination with the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and New York Mets. And Barry Bonds. No credit to those who deserve it. Like the Colorado Rockies. And the Cleveland Indians... whom speaking of which:



Tim Wakefield took it up the butt, and now the Cleveland Indians are on the brink of the World Series. Rest up while Beckett pounds them in Game 5, and then rape Schilling en route to the Series.

FOX's "pitcher-cam" or whatever the fuck they call it sucks. The grainy, slow-mo, slightly delayed "cinematic" look, and then boom, back to real-time bullshit has got to stop. I know closeups of the pitcher's face prior to the pitch is good for building suspense and shows possibly anxiety, but with the cinematic cam, it's plain gay.

Anyway - SIX wins down, five to go.